We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
