Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
