Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
