my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Someone came in the potted fern
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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