This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
