There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is it because I queefed?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
