One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you will always have a special place in my vag
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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