so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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