How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
