Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
