New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
