You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
