Your mouth is God's brothel.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
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