i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
