Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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