Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
