Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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