Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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