I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
