If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
