Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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