She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
