woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize
