meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
