I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
