obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
