zippers are such a cool invention
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
