ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
