I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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