So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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