I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So here I am, sexting at work.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
