Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
