New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
