Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
