i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
