Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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