also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
