His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
