This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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