Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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