Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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