I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
