I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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