my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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