made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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