I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
