definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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