Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
