yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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