Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
